From the desk of Basil. K. Splutterpipe.--

Yes folks it's the old git back again - been up the Umpopo, people - well no not literally you fools.

Had a small problem with the old flying machine over the Summer solstice this year, when the old girl began to cough and splutter , throw out more garbage from the exhausts than usual and generally mis-behaved.

Your columnist took guidance from various sources - as he were well confident that it would only be a small problem - and as the result of these guidings (should that be mis…..) he replaced the plugs / condenser / points / coil / ht leads / wheels …… No not the wheels, just testing to make sure you are still with me and sitting up and paying attention.

One strange thing (??) was that one of the plugs, when removed, was coated in thick black soot - petrol supply problem ?? - replaced the inline fuel filter then,,, but all to no avail.

Next I removed the carbs - (The old tried and tested Keihins of dubious extraction) They never did get the old motor bike, last seen on Heartbeat, going again - small wonder that Crackleport was very secretive !!) - cleaned out the main jets - lots of sucking and blowing - STOP IT !! at the back of the class !! and for a further test switched the carbs from one side to the other.

No change except for the fact that the soot swapped plugs !!  - a Carburettor problem then ?? but couldn't guess what.

Finally and in desperation - and I must have been desperate - a message was sent to the aforementioned Crackleport away up in his new hideout and secret workshop hidden deep in the Yorkshire Dales (Those are his words - personally I know that he has simply moved nearer to a public house)

New old carbs were obtained from Pembleton Mecca (Phil's !!) and the assumed to be mis-behaving carb. replaced.  Started up - sounded nearly as bad. So just as a test  - switched carbs over (side to side) again.

Even worse, and, would you believe it - the soot swapped sides as well !! - Surely not even your correspondent - for whom his only luck is bad luck - couldn't be that unlucky (eh??) i.e. two carbs with the same problem.
Then Crackleport had a brain wave, albeit a little one, but it could most definitely be described as a brainwave. Lets take the carbs apart again.

Removing the tops of the carbs once again we discovered that a hard plastic gasket - making a seal and thus ensuring the vacuum seal needed to lift the float - was missing - That was my fault and yes I admit it - but we also discovered that the other gasket was in fact in place but upside down, and had been for three years!!!

Then with the aid of a magnifying glass - supplied by Crackleport and usually used for checking his wallet for cash - we then checked all the jets - to discover that one of them had a different number stamped on it - (How many of you knew that all jets are stamped with production numbers - ok just me then) it looked identical to all the other similar jets in the by now seething mass of replacement carburettors - only the number was odd. Scrounged jet from one of the other carbs -
replaced - rebuilt - fired her up and WOW !!         Even better than before.

Moral of this story - check and double check absolutely everything - our cars are mainly built from hand me downs, and so that even with the best will in the world - somebody may have been there before.  One tiny little brass jet - but who changed it in the dark dim and distant past,,,,,,, and why ???

Why would a carburettor that had run perfectly well for three years suddenly give up the ghost - no idea - but marvellous as a learning activity. Formula 1 teams….. pah!!! Just get a Pembleton owner to change bits of engines - we could show em a thing or two

Back up the Umpopo !!              Look out !!

Yours in Pembling  Basil. K. Splutterpipe