Dear Algy

Just thought I'd drop you a line you old ruffian while I still can as its getting near to Christmas, and I can never be sure you'll make it through the winter. Had a busy year getting the Brooklands built but we seem to be there - twelve hundred rivets flying in close formation is a joy to behold, a pleasure to listen to and a pain to polish.

Anyway, listen up old chap, I thought I'd descend on you for the festivities. Woman trouble means I need to take some evasive action. I met her just over a year ago and she was a real dream. You know the type, vivacious, tinkling laugh, the colour in her hair went all the way down to her roots. We met at the village dance; I saw her over the rim of my glass of Venos and we just clicked -well, I did anyway, embarrassing moment for my knee to start making those noises again. The aroma of her vaporub was intoxicating, the glimpse of her support tights exhilarating and within weeks she'd moved in.

Christmas was a bonanza as she showered me with gifts to help me with the build - to be honest there was more than I needed. Over the year I spent lots of time in the garage and the comments started - the brave Brooklands started to become a "she" and there were odd comments about me spending more time with "her".

I tried to spark her interest and get her to help but despite my best efforts somehow she just didn't seem interested in the design elegance of the combined oil filler and breather, or riveted by riveting, and the word ECAS made her twitch. She even stopped me using the dishwasher as a parts cleaner.

Anyway the tinkling laugh started to sound like a screech owl and the roots started showing through, I spent every evening in the garage whilst she watched Coronation Street and demolished sherry. I realised that we had reached that point that many couples get to, so there was nothing else for it but to get married. Her mother is coming down for Christmas, hence me being at loose end.

So I'll be up Christmas Eve. By the way, she's complaining about my collection of "junk" in the garage which she bought me last year, I've listed it below, could you advertise it for me in that marvelous magazine you edit, PIG is it called?

Your good friend - Dingy Flying-Goggles

For sale

• 12 MOT failed Citroen 2CVs (mostly in one piece)
• 22 Honda carbs (might need new gaskets)
• 30 wheel nuts
• 9 4 speed gearboxes
• 35 wire wheels (assorted sizes and ages)
• 36 warning lights (none with the approved SVA symbols though)
• 1 tube of Peek (I had more, but you go through a lot of it)
• 24 exhaust sections (mild steel)
• 2 gallons of grease ( Brylcreem is so expensive)
• 20 sheets of Ali (protected on one side)
• No rivets left I'm afraid.
• Must sell, wife wants the house to look nice for her mother.